Being strong, and alone, for the amount of time that she had had definitely bottled everything up. And now that it was coming out, Lily couldn't manage to reign it back in. She had always been a strong woman; Lily didn't like being vulnerable, or even crying, in front of people. So, the fact that she couldn't get a clamp down on her emotions at the moment was a sign that she wasn't herself, not after everything that she had been through, no matter how much she might try to channel that, to try and be her normal self.
She had lost her husband. And maybe she had been cocky to think that they could come through this without a loss of life. Yes, they had had the discussion about it being a possibility. Lily had been stupid not to truly face the possibility, but she never could have prepared for how she felt now, and for how hard it was. Her son would never know his father.
The sheer determination and will that she had been running on had definitely run out. It didn't mean that Lily didn't care, on the contrary, but she was exhausted from holding herself together, and from the events that had transpired. If it hadn't been Sirius to walk through that door....she honestly didn't know what she would have done. She didn't know if she would have held it together, considering the constant stream of tears that still hadn't let up. Lily hardly realized she was crying, despite the way that her eyes hurt; that could have been due to the lack of sleep, easily, though.
She was so overwhelmed, not that that was anything new, and despite the fact that Sirius was speaking to her....not everything was landing completely. For, probably, the first time in her life Lily was completely at another person's mercy, but it was Sirius, so...she knew she was safe. There was nothing to be said, but he was here and at the moment that meant everything. Clearing her throat and attempting to take a deep breath, only to tremble a little more, Lily gave a nod. "I....I-I didn't mean to fall apart." The words fell flat, at least in her ears. Was that really her voice? Did she sound that broken? "I was trying....trying so hard to keep it together for....for...." Lily settled onto the couch, thanks to him, before she jumped at the sound of the kettle. "Bloody...I forgot I put it on."
Sirius did make for a pretty big distraction when she hadn't been expecting anyone. She was so grateful that he was here, though. Pulling each end of the blanket that she just then realize was around her, Lily forced herself to take one, two, three deep breaths....getting her breathing under control, even if there were still tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Holding her blanket closed with one hand, she brought her left up to wipe her face, not bothering to address the tea yet, because she realized that Sirius had to be terrified.
Merlin, Sirius loved Harry, and she knew it. So with a hand that shook more than it ever had, Lily pointed to the bedroom that she had left earlier. "Sleeping. He's sleeping.....safely. He's...he's none the wiser." There was a minute amount of relief in her voice at that, but she knew...if it were James he'd want to check. And she couldn't blame Sirius if he needed to do the same. "You can look in on him, see for yourself." The young mother offered with a voice weighed down by, what felt like, the world.
In the back of her mind she knew that Harry would be happy to see his uncle once he woke up. Right now, though, she was the one that was happy to see him. Though, happy probably wasn't the correct word for it.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY!
She had lost her husband. And maybe she had been cocky to think that they could come through this without a loss of life. Yes, they had had the discussion about it being a possibility. Lily had been stupid not to truly face the possibility, but she never could have prepared for how she felt now, and for how hard it was. Her son would never know his father.
The sheer determination and will that she had been running on had definitely run out. It didn't mean that Lily didn't care, on the contrary, but she was exhausted from holding herself together, and from the events that had transpired. If it hadn't been Sirius to walk through that door....she honestly didn't know what she would have done. She didn't know if she would have held it together, considering the constant stream of tears that still hadn't let up. Lily hardly realized she was crying, despite the way that her eyes hurt; that could have been due to the lack of sleep, easily, though.
She was so overwhelmed, not that that was anything new, and despite the fact that Sirius was speaking to her....not everything was landing completely. For, probably, the first time in her life Lily was completely at another person's mercy, but it was Sirius, so...she knew she was safe. There was nothing to be said, but he was here and at the moment that meant everything. Clearing her throat and attempting to take a deep breath, only to tremble a little more, Lily gave a nod. "I....I-I didn't mean to fall apart." The words fell flat, at least in her ears. Was that really her voice? Did she sound that broken? "I was trying....trying so hard to keep it together for....for...." Lily settled onto the couch, thanks to him, before she jumped at the sound of the kettle. "Bloody...I forgot I put it on."
Sirius did make for a pretty big distraction when she hadn't been expecting anyone. She was so grateful that he was here, though. Pulling each end of the blanket that she just then realize was around her, Lily forced herself to take one, two, three deep breaths....getting her breathing under control, even if there were still tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Holding her blanket closed with one hand, she brought her left up to wipe her face, not bothering to address the tea yet, because she realized that Sirius had to be terrified.
Merlin, Sirius loved Harry, and she knew it. So with a hand that shook more than it ever had, Lily pointed to the bedroom that she had left earlier. "Sleeping. He's sleeping.....safely. He's...he's none the wiser." There was a minute amount of relief in her voice at that, but she knew...if it were James he'd want to check. And she couldn't blame Sirius if he needed to do the same. "You can look in on him, see for yourself." The young mother offered with a voice weighed down by, what felt like, the world.
In the back of her mind she knew that Harry would be happy to see his uncle once he woke up. Right now, though, she was the one that was happy to see him. Though, happy probably wasn't the correct word for it.